Sep 11

How to know when your in love

By KerryNo Comments

So you’ve met someone new, and you’ve fallen head over hook, line and sinker for them. You can’t finish “hello” before ripping their clothes off. Your cheeks are so pink they’re visible from space.

It must be love! Or is it? If you recognise more than a few of these signs, chances are it’s the real thing – and you may just be in it for the long haul.

1. You chuck out your old relationship souvenirs

For years, you hoarded ticket stubs from concerts and days out with your ex. Then you fall in love, and suddenly all these souvenirs are just tat that’s cluttering up your space. So, if nothing else, falling in love makes you more tidy.

2. Your ex announces their engagement, and you don’t care

What’s more, you fail to understand what you ever saw in them. And as for sleeping with them… what were you thinking?

3. You’re no longer shy around your former crush

You used to be a quivering wreck when your office’s payroll assistant entered the room. These days, you barely notice them.

When you’re in love, your partner becomes infinitely more attractive than any other person on the planet. Yes, even Cheryl Cole.

4. You aren’t put off by physical imperfections

Lust is far more fragile than love. Here’s an example. If your lust-object arrives for a date with a big green crusty lump sticking out of their nose, your attraction will disappear in an instant.

But if you’re falling in love, you won’t be put off. You’ll feel protective. You’ll rub your nose and hope that they mirror you… and hey presto, problem solved. Ain’t love grand?

5. You show them where you grew up

It may seem an odd choice of weekend adventure, but love means wanting to show them where you’re from. “That’s my old school, that’s where I had my paper round, that’s where I puked up my dad’s home-brew…”

6.  You tell them your plans – big and small

Whether it’s babbling about your world-travel dreams or asking them to help make the shopping list, you include your lover in your plans because they’re part of your life.

7. You wonder where “we” should go on holiday

Even if it means compromising your idea of the perfect holiday or putting up with their mum’s brussels sprouts.

8. You’re thrilled by a joint invite to a family wedding

Partly because you’re happy that family and friends treat you two as a unit. And partly because you want your wingman beside you when the boredom sets in at 10pm in the church hall.

9. You show them off

When you’re falling for someone, you want to include them in your social life and show them off to your friends. However…

10. You’re happy doing nothing together

Ultimately it’s not about being a couple on a social stage, but just about being two people together. Just going for a walk together sounds like the perfect afternoon.

11. You join their photography class

You want to know what make your lover tick – and you want them to see that you’re showing an interest.

12. You ring them to moan about work

When they’re the first person you want to talk to about what a class-A berk the boss is today, it’s because you think they’re a keeper. (Your lover, not the boss.)

13. You take their kids out for lunch

If your other half has children from a previous partner, your relationship with the kids is a barometer of your future as a couple. And if you’re in love, you’ll try your hardest to get along with them.

Try not to let it stress you out. If you and the kids can be relaxed in each other’s company, you’re onto a long-term winner.

14. You aren’t afraid to argue

Couples don’t agree all the time. If you’re in lust, you don’t care about standing up for yourself – it’s more trouble than it’s worth.

But when you’re in love, you want to put your point across. Speaking up shows that you’re secure enough to question what your lover says or does.

However…

15. You feel terrible when you argue

You wouldn’t be half as upset about a row with anyone else. Here’s why…

16. You care more about their happiness than your own

You feel bad when your other half isn’t happy, so arguments are a double whammy of emotional trauma.

On the bright side, it shows that you’re really in love. You’re no longer looking after number one all the time. Instead, you want your partner to be OK.

17. You don’t mind saving if you’re usually a spend-thrift

Our money habits are deeply entrenched, but love motivates you to make an exception.

For example, if you’ve spent your adult life being unwilling to save up for anything dearer than a haircut, love could suddenly make you want to save a deposit on a flat.

Likewise…

18. You don’t mind splashing out if you’re usually frugal

If you’re suddenly willing to splash out on a luxury holiday together, it shows how important they are to you.

But it’s not about changing the real you. If you’re usually more comfortable being a saver, love won’t change that. It just means you’re less rigid about it. Which brings us to…

19. You risk being yourself

Of all the love-signs on this list, this is the big cheese.

When you’re infatuated or in lust with someone, you edit yourself to fit what you think they want. You might dress to suit them, or hide the fact that you don’t have much in common with their friends.

But when you’re in love with someone, you want your other half to know and like the person you really are.

It’s a risk, of course. Certain incompatibilities may come to the fore. But you know that you can’t be happy for long if you’re faking it.

This isn’t an excuse to be stubborn or tactless. “Being yourself” does not mean sticking rigidly to habits, or telling your lover that their CD collection is crap. A bit of flexibility works wonders.

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Aug 25

How To Say I Love You Without Saying A Word.

By KerryNo Comments

There are actually several ways to say I love you even with the absence of words. Remember that action speaks louder than words. Words may not be enough to show someone you love him or her.

1. Let go of your past

One way to say I love you even with the absence of words is to let go of your past. When you completely let go of your past, you are actually telling him how much you love him or her. When you are tied up with your past, you are just giving him or her doubtful thoughts regarding your true feelings. When the person you love learns and feels you have completely forgotten your past, you are actually telling him or her I love you.

2. No comparisons

Another way to say I love you even with the absence of words is to never have comparisons. Do not compare him or her to anybody; especially with your ex. Always make him or her feel that she is special and a unique individual, and that you love him or her for who she is. When you make that person feel that he or she is incomparable, you are actually silently telling him or her I love you.

3. Accept flaws and weaknesses

This is one of the best ways to say I love you even with the absence of words. You do not actually demand for a person to change if you love him or her. You accept the person for who she or he is, and cover up the weaknesses. This is one of the greatest ways to say I love you. Saying I love you may not be enough.

Consider these three ways and let that someone feel how much you love them!

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Aug 16

Ground Zero Mosque.

By KerryNo Comments

Was President Obama’s support for the right to build the “Ground Zero mosque” in New York really out of step with America as his opponents would say – or a reflection of the ambiguity many of its citizens feel about this divisive, but nuanced issue?

When Mr Obama waded into the political debate over the proposed Islamic community centre and mosque in lower Manhattan on Friday, many Republican strategists rejoiced.

In the lead up to hotly contested congressional elections in November, the comments seemed like a gift – Mr Obama handing opponents cannon fodder with which to blast Democrats.

Democratic hopes in the mid-term elections are perhaps best served by keeping to local issues, diverting attention away from a bleak national economy, unpopular wars and a president with dragging approval ratings.

Yet the Ground Zero mosque debate transcends local politics. It’s highly-charged, invoking emotional ideas of American identity and religious respect through the prism of the most defining and traumatizing incident in the nation’s recent history.

For months it simmered on the edges of the national political scene, a tantalizing wedge issue for conservatives even as key Democrats skirted the discussion.

But now, Mr Obama’s comments have firmly transformed this local New York squabble into a billowing national debate.

He told guests at a Friday dinner honouring the Islamic holy month of Ramadan that America’s commitment to religious freedom must be “unshakeable”, and that Muslims in America have every right to practice their faith.

“That includes the right to build a place of worship and a community centre on private property in lower Manhattan, in accordance with local laws and ordinances,” Mr Obama said.

The following day, Mr Obama clarified those comments, saying that his remarks referred only to the right of Muslims to build their centre, not the wisdom of choosing a site so close to Ground Zero.

To hear conservatives tell it, Mr Obama had just undermined the electoral chances of vulnerable Democrats, granting Republicans a legitimate way to push opponents to take a stand on this thorny and divisive issue.

But whether Mr Obama’s comments are really out of step with views of the American public depends which poll you believe.

Rights v tastes

This poll from CNN suggests that they are: 68% of respondents state opposition to the Ground Zero mosque.

A Marist poll of voters in New York City found 53% opposed the mosque. Only 34% thought it would facilitate cultural understanding while half thought it was offensive.

But neither poll questions voters on the direct substance of Mr Obama’s remarks: the right of the Islamic community to build the mosque. That right is enshrined in the US constitution.

It’s an important nuance in the debate, and one that simple “yes or no” polls often fail to capture. Americans can both support the right to build a mosque at the same time that they oppose the building of this particular mosque so close to a delicate site.

It’s not necessarily inconsistent to be bothered by the presence of a mosque near the site of a devastating attack by jihadists, but still defend the universal right of the faithful to practice their religion without restrictions or interference from the government.

A recent poll by Fox News draws out that distinction. It asked respondents first if they believed that the Ground Zero mosque was appropriate. An overwhelming 64% replied that it was not.

The follow-up question asked if the Muslim group had the right to build the mosque, to which a similarly large proportion – 61% – responded that yes, they do.

Clearly there is an overlap between Americans who support the right to build the mosque but maintain a belief that it’s a poor decision to do so.

That’s the same ground Mr Obama straddled with his comments last weekend.

But whether the public heard the nuance in the communicator-in-chief’s remarks – or whether his comments will be lost in frenzy of cable chatter over their supposed political toxicity – may not be clear until November.

We would love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you think this should go ahead , or do you think it should be built elsewhere?

Source: BBC news.

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Aug 16

Big Brother : John James “Josie, I’m In Love With You”

By KerryNo Comments

Big Brother’s final romance seems to be one built to last if Josie’s shock confession to Corin is anything to go by… apparently the Aussie has told his farmer Mrs that he is in love with her.

Corin & Josie were having a fag in the BB garden when Josie told her perma-tanned mate; “He went ‘I’m so in love with you’ and he said ‘I’m going to move from Australia to be with you.’”

Josie confided: “I haven’t had anyone that has loved me before, like that. Well, if he means it.” To which a confused Corin questioned: “Why would he say it if he didn’t?

Self-conscious Josie said she didn’t know and revealed more about the romantic exchange: “I said ‘do you think that you will still feel the same when you get outside?’ And he said ‘yeah’ and I said ‘so do I’.”

I think John James is just playing games what do you all think?

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Aug 06

British Government Donates £5m to Pakistan Flood Victims

By Kerry2 Comments

THE British Government pledged £5 million today to help hundreds of thousands of those left homeless by Pakistan’s flood disaster.

International Development Secretary Andrew Mitchell said at least 800,000 people would benefit from the new UK aid, which will go towards providing safe drinking water, hygiene kits and toilets.

Up to 1,200 people have died and two million have fled their homes since heavy monsoon rains caused floods across huge swathes of north-west Pakistan.

The British aid, which is being channelled through the United Nations Children’s Fund (Unicef), will buy about 136,000 hygiene kits, 4,560 toilets, 336,000 bars of sanitising soap, 270,000 buckets or jerry cans, 400,000 water purification kits and 800,000 water purification tablets.

The UK’s Department for International Development has already contributed another £5 million to the UN-run Pakistan Emergency Response Fund.

This will pay for food, shelter, water, sanitation and healthcare for thousands of people affected by the floods.

Mr Mitchell said: “I know many British people are deeply concerned by the terrible suffering caused by the ongoing monsoon floods in Pakistan.

“The government of Pakistan is leading the relief efforts, and the UK is ready to help in any way we can.

“The UK’s contribution to the emergency relief effort will help limit disease and further deaths by helping provide safe drinking water, food, toilets, medical care, and other essential items to at least 800,000 people in Pakistan affected by the monsoon floods.”

What are your thoughts on this? I have been reading through many blogs and comments left on news sites and it seems the nation is split. Should we be offering help to countries that need it or should the money be put towards much needed services etc in the UK?

Source of information: Dailyrecord.co.uk

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Jul 27

John James ‘leaves’ Big Brother House.

By KerryNo Comments

As my husband rolls his eyes and settles himself in front of his computer to escape my nightly viewing of Big Brother 11 I eagerly await the latest news on the Josie/John James saga.

It’s been a dramatic few days in the Josie – John James saga, so we thought we’d do you a favour and give you the low down on the recent events of the past 2 days.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then we’ll begin…

Yesterday afternoon, John James and Josie took their microphones off and began whispering under a duvet in the Bedroom (again). At one point our Aussie boy could be heard telling Josie that he wouldn’t hurt her, but later he said their relationship was becoming like Shabby and Caoimhe.

Josie took offence to this comment replying that she was not the Shabby in the relationship.  As she stormed out of the Bedroom, John James begged her to talk to him. He followed her to the Bathroom and said he never meant to hurt her, and Josie said he hadn’t hurt her, so why is he carrying on? He slammed his fist on the sink and walked out.

John James went to the Bedroom and explained the situation to his new best friend JJ.  The boxer said that John James just wanted to find out how Josie feels and that he was there if he wanted to talk about the situation.  JJ said he would try to talk to Josie later in the afternoon.

John James then walked into the Garden and straight through to the camera runs through a fire escape telling housemates that he was sorry. He spent a few minutes in the camera runs speaking to the BB producers, never properly leaving the house, before returning and going to speak to Big Brother in the Diary Room.

Following this chat, John James had a heart to heart with Josie saying that he didn’t want her to resent him for not liking her as much as she likes him. He continued by saying that his reasons for leaving were not because of her feelings for him but because he couldn’t handle not speaking to her, saying ‘In the outside world I could talk to you properly’.

He apologised to Josie for everything when she said she felt stupid and looks like an idiot. John James said he has been selfish.  Josie says she knows what he’s going to say next, so there’s no need to say it.  Once again, our Aussie softy began to cry under the covers.

But the plot thickens! At 16.35 yesterday afternoon, they kissed!!
The canoodling continued during the night. What will become of these two? Will they ever become the romance of BB11?

How do you think this will pan out? Are you fed up and wish they’d just get it on? Do you even care?

Source of information: Channel4.com/BigBrother

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Jul 02

Healthier, Wealthier, But Living Alone!

By KerryNo Comments

Apart from shining a spotlight on the way we live now, the latest ONS Social Trends survey provides a fascinating glimpse of Britain 40 years ago.

It was a place where coal was the biggest single source of domestic energy, where nearly half of all households did not have regular use of a car, where a quarter of men were classified as heavy smokers and where nearly 24 million working days a year were lost to strike action.

Fast forward to the present and it’s the central role played in our lives by new technology that stands out as the most obvious change.

Two thirds of households now have an internet connection, something undreamt of in the 1970s, while 89% have digital TV.

Choices for women

And the energy bill to power all this domestic technology is vast. It’s the equivalent of 6.8 million tonnes of oil every year for lighting and electrical appliances, compared with 2.7 million tonnes in 1970.

But perhaps the most significant changes in our lifestyles over the past generation have been shaped by the greater opportunities and choices available to women.

They’re getting married later – the average age of a first marriage for women is now just two months before her 30th birthday.

The proportion of babies born to women under the age of 25 has halved since 1971. Women now outnumber men in further and higher education.

Those trends are reflected in the rising number of one-person households – from 18% of all households in 1971 to 29% now.

Intriguingly, this survey also found that more than two thirds of people aged 18 or over in Britain believe that they do not need a partner to lead a happy and fulfilled life.

Life expectancy

This question wasn’t asked by the ONS in its first survey in 1970 so, annoyingly, we don’t know how attitudes to the desirability of partners have changed since then – though we can make an educated guess.

In general we’re more likely to live alone than we were 40 years ago, in a house stuffed full of new technology, and we’re living longer. Life expectancy has risen sharply, especially for men, from 68.7 years in 1970 to 77.8 years now.

And deaths from circulatory diseases – strokes and heart attacks – have fallen dramatically with the decline in smoking. In fact, cancer has replaced circulatory disease as the main cause of death in women.

But other risks have increased. Alcohol-related deaths have nearly doubled since the mid-90s. And there’s another even more sobering statistic – 77% of adults aged 65 to 74 in England are now classified as obese or overweight.

It seems that our new lifestyles have brought with them new health dangers.

Source: Greg Wood – BBC News

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Jun 23

Budget June 2010

By Kerry2 Comments

So the emergency Budget as been set and here is an outline of the details. Why not let us know what impact this will have on you and your family?

VAT

Rate will rise from 17.5% to 20% from January 4, 2011.

Personal income tax allowance: To be increased by £1,000 in April to £7,475 – worth £170 a year to basic rate taxpayers. It is expected that 880,000 of the lowest-paid will be taken out of income tax altogether.

Council tax: Could be frozen for one year from April 2011 in England, but extra funds will only be offered to councils which keep their own costs down. Worth about £35 per household.

CAPITAL GAINS TAX

To rise from 18% to 28% from midnight for higher rate taxpayers. The “entrepreneur’s relief” rate of 10% on the first £2m of gains will be extended to the first £5m.

A 50p a month “landline tax” to fund the rollout of fast broadband will be scrapped – instead the government will support private investment, partly funded by the digital switchover under-spend within the TV licence fee.

The balance of spending cuts to tax rises would be 77% to 23%.

CIGARETTES, ALCOHOL AND FUEL

No increases this time round. Labour’s plan to increase the duty on cider by 10% above inflation will be scrapped from July.

BENEFITS

Child benefit: Frozen for the next three years.

Tax credits: Reduced for families earning over £40,000 next year. But low income families will get more Child Tax Credit – the amount per child will rise by £150 above the rate of inflation next year – at an annual cost of £2bn.

Housing benefit: New maximum limit of £400 a week for properties with more than three bedrooms.£250 a week for a one-bedroom flat, £290 for a two-bedroom property and £340 for a three-bed property, to save £1.8bn a year by the end of the Parliament.

Unemployed people will see their Housing Benefit cut by 10%, after 12 months of claiming Jobseekers Allowance from April 2013.

It will also be cut for people of working age who are in larger homes than their family size warrants but, from April 2011, disabled claimants who do not have a resident carer will be able to claim for an extra bedroom.

Health in pregnancy grant to be abolished from April 2011, the Sure Start maternity grant will be restricted to the first child.

Lone parents, will be expected to look for work when their youngest child goes to school.

Excluding the state pension and pension credit, from 2011 benefits, tax credits and public service pensions will rise in line with the Consumer Price Index, rather than the, generally higher, Retail Price Index, saving over £6 billion a year by the end of the Parliament.

The government will introduce a medical assessment for Disability Living Allowance from 2013 for new and existing claimants.

The welfare shake-up will save £11bn by 2014/15.

PUBLIC SECTOR PAY

Public sector workers face a two-year pay freeze if they earn over £21,000. Those earning less £21,000 will get a flat pay-rise worth £250 in both years.

Armed services personnel in Afghanistan will see their operational allowance doubled to £4,800 – as announced by David Cameron two weeks ago.

PENSIONS

The basic state pension will be linked to earnings from April 2011, with the pension guaranteed to rise in line with earnings, prices or 2.5%, whichever is the greater.

The government will accelerate the increase in state pension age to 66 – a “call for evidence” will be made later this week.

The government will also consult on phasing out the default retirement age – to ensure those who want to work past 65 are able to do so.

Former Labour Work and Pensions Secretary John Hutton to review public sector pensions, ahead of the autumn spending review.

BUSINESS

From April 2011, the threshold at which employers start to pay National Insurance will rise by the rate of inflation plus £21 per week.

Corporation Tax will be cut next year to 27%, and by 1% annually for the next three years, until it reaches 24%.

The small companies’ tax rate will be cut to 20%.

Tax relief for the video games industry will be scrapped.

BANKS

A bank levy will be introduced, which will apply to the balance sheets of UK banks and building societies and the UK operations of foreign banks from January 2011. But smaller banks will not have to pay. It is expected to raise over £2bn a year.

ENVIRONMENT

The government will “explore changes to the aviation tax system” such as switching from a per-passenger to a per-plane levy. It will consult on major changes.

Government looking at reforming the climate change levy “to provide more certainty and support to the carbon price”. Proposals to be published in the autumn.

The Office for Budget Responsibility will assess the effect of oil price fluctuations on the public finances over the summer, before the government looks at options for a “fair fuel stabiliser” – which would see fuel duty fall when prices go up, and vice versa.

Case for rural fuel duty discount is under consideration.

REGIONS

White Paper to be published on tackling regional economic differences in Britain later in the summer, followed by a paper on rebalancing the economy of Northern Ireland.

The upgrade of the Tyne and Wear Metro, extension of the Manchester Metrolink, redevelopment of Birmingham New Street station and improvements to the rail lines to Sheffield and between Liverpool and Leeds will go ahead.

A Regional Growth Fund will be created to help fund regional capital projects over two years.

People setting up new businesses outside London, the South East and the east of England will be exempt from £5,000 of National Insurance payments for the first 10 workers.

UK ECONOMY

Growth forecast revised down from 2.6% to 2.3% in 2011.

The economy is predicted to grow by 1.2 % this year, 2.3% next year, 2.8% in 2012, 2.9% in 2013 and 2.7% in both 2014 and in 2015.

Debt to peak in 2013/14 at 70% of GDP.

Unemployment is forecast to peak this year at 8.1% and then fall for each of the next four years, to reach 6.1% in 2015.

Consumer price inflation is expected to reach 2.7% by the end of 2010 before “returning to target in the medium term”. The inflation target remains at 2%, as measured by the Consumer Prices Index.

The UK is set to miss the previous government’s “golden rule” – of borrowing only to invest over the economic cycle – in the current cycle by £485bn.

BORROWING

Underlying current budget deficit should be “in balance” by 2015/16.

Public sector net borrowing will be £149bn this year, £116bn next year, £89bn in 2012-13 and £60bn in 2013-14.

By 2014-15 borrowing to reach £37bn, falling to £20bn in 2015-16.

SPENDING

Mr Osborne said the state now accounted for “almost half” of all national income which was “completely unsustainable”.

Average real terms budget cuts of 25% over four years – except for health and international aid. Departmental cuts amount to a further £17bn by 2014-15, on top of those already planned.

But current expenditure to rise from £637bn in 2010-11 to £711bn in 2015-16 – partly due to rising debt interest payments.

No further reductions in capital spending totals but there will be “careful choices” about how the money was spent. Projects with “a significant economic return to the country” would be prioritised.

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May 31

Dating A Single Parent.

By Kerry1 Comment

Single parent dating tips have to address issues that people without children don’t ever have to worry about. Let’s face it – being a single parent is pretty difficult at times to begin with. Throw trying to establish a special adult relationship into the mix and you’ve got lots of complications. I’ve put together some single parent dating tips that can help simplify things so that you can relax and enjoy dating again.

Explaining it to Your Kids.
When you are going out on a date, let your kids know that you’re going out with a friend. It’s a simple, honest explanation. Especially with younger kids, no more details are needed; if they ask who the friend is, simply say that it is someone from work, a friend of your neighbour, or whoever it is. Don’t try to explain too much – simpler is better.

Avoiding Resentment.
Don’t introduce your children to someone you’re dating until you’re pretty sure the relationship is going somewhere. Meeting several different people over time will only confuse them, and they may come to resent your dating anyone at all.

Introduce Your New Friend Slowly.
Once you’re ready to introduce your significant other to your children, do so slowly. The first time, it should be simply ice cream or perhaps some time in the park. Gradually allow more time with the kids and include them on some appropriate “family dates.”

Your Children Come First.
Here is a very important single parent dating tip: make it clear from the beginning that your children will come first in any situation. If this seems to be a problem for anyone you’re seeing, it’s time to stop the relationship. Any man or woman who is jealous of your children isn’t a good bet for a relationship.

Your Commitments Come First.
If you’re a single parent who only sees his children every other weekend or a similar schedule, make this clear. Tell someone you are dating that you won’t be available on those weekends, and stick to it until you’re ready to have everyone get together. This reassures your children and gives the person you’re dating an idea of the commitment involved in dating someone with children.

Don’t Move Too Quickly.
If you allow your kids to get close to someone early on, only to break up with them a few months later, they will end up hurt and confused. This is especially essential if you’re just starting to date again or if you’ve recently divorced.

Listen to Your Kids.
Once your children have met someone you’re dating, listen to their input. (A dating tip I got from a lot of single parents). This doesn’t mean axing your social life if your son or daughter says, “I don’t want you to date anymore,” without a good explanation. However, if he or she says they really don’t like him because he yells at them, doesn’t pay attention to them or just makes them uncomfortable, listen. Discuss the concerns with your companion, watch how he or she interacts with your children and put some real thought into the situation.

Don’t Parade Your Date in Front of an Ex.
It may be tempting to let your ex know that you’ve moved on, but it’s unfair to use a date as a weapon. Your children will no doubt mention that you’re dating when they are with their other parent, and that’s fine. Don’t ask them to keep it a secret or they will feel like you are doing something wrong. Simply let things take their course, and answer their questions honestly.

Reassure Your Children.
Reassure your children that dating someone is completely separate from your love for them. Explain the importance of having a special adult in your life, but that it doesn’t diminish your feelings for them.

These single parent dating tips won’t guarantee completely smooth sailing, but it will make the process less confusing for everyone concerned.

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May 21

How To Spot A Gold Digger!

By Kerry1 Comment

1. Understand what a gold digger is, and is not.

There’s nothing wrong with a person being concerned about your financial stability. A long-term partnership means depending on each other through the ups and downs, and being financially reliable does help with that to a degree. The difference between a gold digger and someone who values your role as a provider is that the gold digger would deride and perhaps leave you if you lost your ability to provide for them financially. A good person can appreciate your financial resources, but a gold digger appreciates only that, and will not see the relationship as worthwhile if you’re not well off. And remember a Gold digger is usually associated with a female but it’s also men who scour for wealthy women too.

2. Gold diggers drop hints that they’re having trouble paying their bills (sometimes they might even ask you directly for a “loan” to tide them over).

They know that you don’t want to see them get an eviction notice, or get their car repossessed, and you’re a good person who’s in a position to help. But there’s a difference between a gold digger and someone who’s just fallen on bad times. What you should be looking for is if, despite their situation, this person is making poor financial decisions for example spending money on luxury items such as new clothes or expensive restaurants.

3. When they discuss their financial woes, suggest ways in which the suspected gold digger can make money fast.

When you mention the possibility of them selling their luxury car, video console, guitar, diamond bracelet, or any other expensive item that could keep them from becoming homeless or having their utilities cut off or car repossessed, how do they respond? The average person will be saddened and may even become angry or upset, but a gold digger will be appalled at the very idea that they should have to give up their prized possessions in order to meet their own basic needs. They’ll treat the idea as ludicrous.

4. Look for a sense of entitlement.

Gold diggers feel that they deserve to be treated well, and that includes knowing that someone is willing to spend money on them. Have you noticed unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment? This sense of entitlement is one of the symptoms of narcissistic behaviour, which has other symptoms that a potential gold digger might harbour:

  • grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
  • preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
  • believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
  • requires excessive admiration
  • lacks empathy, is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
  • often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

5. Ask them meaningful questions.

  • What is the best gift they’ve ever gotten? Gold diggers will almost always cite an expensive, material object, not a uniquely personal and thoughtful gift.
  • What’s the biggest thing you ever had to give up to get something you really wanted? What you’re searching for here is evidence of delayed gratification – the ability to give up something now so that you can achieve something greater, later. Gold diggers are notoriously spoiled or sheltered, and have never had to really wait, work, or struggle for what they want because somehow, someone was always there to help.

6. See what questions they ask you.

Certain questions which might seem harmless might really be an attempt to judge your ability to provide. None of these questions, alone, should get you worried but all of them on the first date should definitely send up a red flag:

  • How much do you make a year? Why would she/he ask this question? Because a gold digger is a mobile calculator, therefore every question that relates to money is calculated to determine the percentage of the total amount that she/he believes she/he “deserves”.
  • Are you a homeowner? And what type of car do you drive? They are trying to determine your overall worth and whether being with you is a profitable investment for them.
  • How many kids do you have? Your answer to the question will help her/him determine (calculate) much of your income and attention goes to your children and how much time you can devote to her/him. A gold digger is a needy individual that will take up a lot of your money, time and energy.

7. Search for signs of generosity and gratitude towards you.

After having gone on several dates, has this person ever offered to pay? When you do pay, does he or she say thank you? Do they ever offer to help you in other ways? (And no, physical intimacy doesn’t count); do they cook you dinner when you’ve been out working late? Fix your computer? Run an errand for you when your schedule’s especially tight? If these character traits are missing, is this really someone you want to get involved with? A person doesn’t develop gratitude and generosity overnight…

8. Indulge in a pipe dream.

A pipe dream is basically a long shot. Take one of your childhood fantasies and run with it. Tell the person you’re dating that you’re thinking about becoming the mechanic, farmer, supermodel, writer, [insert dream career here] you’ve always wanted to be. Explain how if you were to ever do this, it would require a significant lifestyle change; you’d have to go back to school, relocate, or whatever would make it clear that your standard of living will go down dramatically. How does this person respond? Do they seem concerned? That’s normal. A good person will encourage you to follow your dreams while simultaneously helping you think of ways to do it practically and responsibly. A gold digger will look horrified or disgusted and say things like “You’re not really serious, are you?” OR they are ready to call it quits and leave because you are paying attention to “you” instead of “them”.

9. Watch yourself.

It feels good to help people, whether you just helped someone avoid becoming homeless, or you’re helping an aspiring artist or entrepreneur launch his or her career, but you have to be careful that you don’t fall into a pattern where your help become the norm, so much so that without your financial assistance, the relationship would crumble. If you’re the kind of person who has trouble saying “no”, or who is intensely sympathetic and compassionate, you’re more likely to bump into a gold digger.

10. Listen to the types of questions you are asked.

Even seemingly innocuous questions like “What do you do?” and “Where do you live?” can be loaded questions, asked in an attempt to ascertain your net worth and lifestyle. In any case, do not answer these questions directly – but start out by explaining your life story. What things happened to you as a child/teenager that shaped the life you live today? A person truly interested in who you are will listen intently and ask questions of a more personal nature – whereas a gold digger will not have the patience to get to know you first; they will only want to find out your current financial position before investing any time in you.

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